Eat healthyyyyyyy

My tumblr is still dead but I just wanted to say

that I saw a social worker who is going to refer me to a psychologist in my college town in the fall. I was very afraid to be told I don’t have serious problems, that I’m not skinny enough, etc, but she was very kind and understanding, talked to me for a hour and a half and everything. The only awkward part was like “what do I do now? wait?” and she was like “yep, you wait” and I was like “but right this moment? Do I go get a poutine and throw it up or nooo?” and she just didn’t say anything. I’m trying to under eat instead. I told her a lot of very private things about my ED I never told anyone but my boyfriend and it felt good because she was very nice. She actually remembered me having a boyfriend in Georgia from 4 years ago even though I didn’t even remember what she looked like at all and I was thinking she was a fat curly white haired woman and she like…isn’t lol.

I deleted last night’s post because it was all drunken and lame, but it stands, I’m gone, bye bye :)

I’ve been gone because I’m “indulging” in my ED, and not in the LETS LOOK AT THINSPO AND FOODPORN ALLDAYERRYDAY way. Any amount of food feels forbidden and like a “fuck up”, so I just want to purge, but why purge without a binge rite? My stomach hasn’t been hurting until today, though it was pretty bad today with the poutine and the really spicy rice I had without purging. I have a stomach test on wednesday, so I’m not allowed antiacids until then, so lol the pain. Plus I’ve been drinking everyday for 2 weeks straight. Wish I could say LOL I HAVENT BEEN ON TUMBLR CUZ MY LIFE IS AWESOME but it’s not quite that. It’s not so bad though, but I know I need to get this shit under control before it hits me right back in the face. Feels like it’s what I’ve been saying for months and months and months, though. I’m kind of in a “i gave up” mindset at the moment, but all of my habits just aren’t soooo bad, but still. I plan on getting back to a reasonable diet soon. I started my real first day of work (aside from the open doors day 2-3 weeks ago) and it went great, I’m very excited about it and I will be buying a new computer in a week or so.

OK WELL THAT WAS DEPRESSING, BUT IM VERY HAPPY OTHERWISE SO IF ANYONE CARES, DONT WORRY LOL :3

I don’t like comments about my weight, I wish I had never been fat omg

Another exciting summer night on the Internet

Reblogged from dezzytron

dezzytron:

whoopdeedoo

Someone commented on my food and i have nobody to tell how upset it makes me feel ugh. dumb brain

I was thinking of changing my UGW from “normal relationship with food/my body” to “healthy etcetc”, because you know, I’m not sure the “normality” is the most healthy, really, lol. Anyway, it’s 10:30 and I pretty much finished everything I had to do today aside from cleaning. I had an employees breakfast at my job at 7:30, and I went to sleep at like 1 so I’m probably gonna nap eventually lol. I had a mini-binge yesterday and felt upset for the first time since I started celexa, and I was like O NOES ITS NOT WORKING LOL and it’s like, I know it’s not always gonna be perfect, but idk, I had gotten all manic and had my hopes up and was like OMG I WILL BE HAPPY FOREVER, lol, yeah, totes realistic. But yeah, anyway, I was pretty obsessed with wanting to bp yesterday, but I did not. I think I’m at the 2 weeks mark now, unless you count puking up being drunk 2 days ago, but I was quite drunk and nauseous and I wasn’t thinking “lolcaloriesout”, I was just…le drunk :(

Anywaaaay, I might get to go see http://lovelyhealthyhipbones.tumblr.com/ tomorroooow if my brother’s gf ends up going to her town :) it’s like 1h15 mins away or so, and it’s the first time we’re gonna hang out since school’s been out, i am excite 8)

anyways, I’ve been pretty inactive, tumblr triggers me so I just check my friend’s and don’t watch my dash much. THAT DOESNT MEAN UNFOLLOW OMGLOL. Oh well, ADIOS

I cant find my messages lol

115.8 says this scale with my pyjama on

I’m not…really trying to lose, but it’s hard to eat enough to maintain especially when active. I won’t be today though, I totally re-hurt my leg from walking all those 10km and I feel bad and retarded about it :/ and hang over sucks ugh.

hey followers

im doing awesome and went to hike 10kms in the wood today, it was osm. i’m starting to get a tan with the burn i got on my first day at work (3000 people, owned that shit omg yay, well i think)